Why Do I Keep Going Back to Drinking Again?

Written by Susan — Quit drinking at 37 • Sober since 1998 • Sharing what actually works

Written by Susan — Quit drinking at 37 • Sober since 1998 • Sharing what actually works

If you’ve ever found yourself asking, "why do I keep going back to drinking?" you’re not alone. You can go a few days — sometimes longer — feeling like you’ve got it under control, only to find yourself right back where you started. That back-and-forth can feel confusing, frustrating, and even a little defeating.

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Why Do I Keep Going Back to Drinking?

Based on my own experience of being alcohol-free for nine whole months (prior to my final success of approaching 30 years), I had decided that I had "this thing licked." I was cured.

Thing is, there is no "cure" for alcoholism. You either drink, or you don't.

And I thought, "One drink won't hurt."

It did. It set me back another couple of years.

When we relapse, it often arises after a tough day, so we want relief, comfort, or escape.

Or surprisingly (or not!) a relapse can happen after a really good day, and "celebration" comes to mind.

We've trained our brains to reward us when things go either way.

It’s Not Just a Lack of Willpower

This is where most people go wrong.

They assume:

• they’re weak
• they lack discipline
• they just need to “try harder”

👉 That’s not what’s happening

What you’re dealing with is a pattern that’s been reinforced over and over again.

You’re Running a Familiar Pattern

Think about how it usually plays out.

• The day ends
• You feel a certain way (tired, bored, stressed)
• The urge appears
• You act on it

👉 Not because you carefully decided to
👉 But because it’s what you’ve done before

And until you make a real decision to stop, the pattern usually repeats.

Why It Feels Like It “Just Happens”

After enough repetition, the process becomes expected. You’re not weighing pros and cons anymore.

You’re just following a path your brain already knows.

The difficult part is that these moments often don’t feel dramatic beforehand.

They feel ordinary.

You finish work. The evening starts.

Your brain recognizes the situation before you consciously realize what’s happening.

And before you know it, the urge already feels familiar.

What To Do When The Pattern Starts

If a relapse happens more than a couple of times, you need to be honest with yourself and dig deep.

Ask yourself: are your reasons to quit drinking stronger than the excuses your brain comes up with to keep drinking?

Sometimes the first interruption is simply pausing long enough to recognize the pattern before acting on it.

The Part Most People Don’t See

What’s keeping the cycle going isn’t just the action — it’s the payoff.

Even if it’s temporary, that drink may be giving you:

👉 Until something replaces that, the pattern keeps repeating

Why You Can Go Days… Then Slip

This is where it gets interesting.

You might:

• go a few days
• feel like you’re doing well
• think you’ve got it under control

Then suddenly…

👉 you’re right back in it

That’s not random.

👉 It’s the same pattern reactivating under familiar conditions — whether it’s a bad day, a good day, stress, boredom, or simply habit.

Why It Keeps Catching You Off Guard

One of the most frustrating parts of this pattern is how it can seem to come out of nowhere.

You might feel fine earlier in the day. You might even feel confident that you’re not going to drink.

Then something shifts.

Suddenly, the thought appears, and it feels familiar. Almost expected.

That’s because your brain has learned to associate certain moments with drinking.

It’s not random. It’s not a failure.

It’s a learned response that has been reinforced over time.

👉 And anything that has been learned can be 'unlearned.'

You’re Missing a Key Tool Most People Never Use

This is the part most people don’t even realize they’re missing.

They try to rely on willpower, distraction, or just “getting through the evening.” And sometimes that works — for a while.

But when the same moment shows up again, they’re left dealing with it in real time, without anything solid to fall back on.

That’s where a simple but powerful tool comes in — something I use myself and teach in my course.

It’s called somatic markers.

You don’t need to understand them fully right now. In simple terms, somatic markers are emotional memories your brain can use to interrupt automatic behavior before you act on it.

What matters is this:

👉 they give you something real to refer back to in the moment, instead of relying on willpower alone

Inside the course, you’ll learn exactly what somatic markers are and how to use them properly — so when that familiar moment shows up, you’re not starting from scratch.

At Some Point, This Becomes a Decision

There’s a moment in all of this that matters more than anything else.

• Not at the start of the day
• Not when you say “I won’t drink today”

👉 But in the moment when the option to drink is right in front of you

That’s where it shifts from:

• habit
  to
• decision

Over time, this pattern can start to feel predictable, even if you don’t consciously recognize it right away. The same thoughts, the same feelings, and the same timing tend to show up again and again.

Once you begin to notice that, something shifts. You’re no longer just reacting — you’re starting to see what’s actually happening.

If this is starting to make sense, the next step is understanding why this pattern often shows up at the same time again and again.

Why Do I Relapse at the Same Time Again?

You’re not stuck because you’re weak — you keep going back because, in the moment, drinking still feels like it works. Once you start to see that clearly, the pattern stops feeling mysterious. And when it’s no longer mysterious, it becomes something you can actually change.

Want the Podcast Version of this Page?

Want to go deeper? The podcast version of this page explores these ideas in a more conversational and reflective way. You can listen to it below.

Continue Exploring Why Relapse Keeps Happening

If you've stopped drinking before but found yourself slipping back into old habits, you're not alone. These articles explore why relapse happens, what you can learn from it, and how to move forward with greater confidence and self-understanding.

→ Browse all Why Relapse Keeps Happening articles

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➡️ Learn more about the course here: Break the Nightly Drinking Habit

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