The Real Reason I Quit Drinking

Written by Susan — drank for 20 years, approaching 30 years sober, sharing what actually works

Written by Susan — drank for 20 years, approaching 30 years sober, sharing what actually works

The real reason I quit drinking wasn’t because I suddenly became strong, perfect, or magically full of willpower. It was because after 20 years of nightly drinking, I finally reached the point where the exhaustion of drinking became worse than the fear of stopping. And I was as sick as a dog... (no offense to dogs, they're wonderful!)

The Real Reason I Quit Drinking

For a long time, I knew drinking was just part of my nightly routine.

But there came a point where I had to be honest with myself.

When you start planning different routes home just so you can stop and buy more alcohol — especially because, heaven forbid, you might run out and be recognized by the store owner and labeled "an alcoholic" — that is no longer just a harmless habit.

That is your life quietly being rearranged around alcohol.

And that was one of the moments that made me realize something had changed.

I was still functioning. I still got things done. From the outside, I probably looked fairly normal.

But inside, I was exhausted.

I woke up tired. I looked washed out. I felt unhealthy. I gained weight, which led to obsessive exercising, and then every night the same cycle started all over again.

• Drink.
• Regret.
• Recover.
• Promise myself I would do better.
• Then drink again.

At the time, I did not want to call it what it was. As mentioned earlier, I did not want to be recognized by shop owners. I did not want to be labeled. I did not want to admit how much mental space alcohol was taking up.

But deep down, I knew.

That is the thing about nightly drinking. Part of you often knows it has gone too far long before you are ready to say it out loud.

When Drinking Starts Organizing Your Life

One of the clearest signs that drinking had become a real problem for me was the planning.

Not fun planning.
Not social planning.

BUT
Alcohol planning.

• Where could I shop?
• Would I be recognized?
• Did I already buy from that place recently?
• Did I have enough at home?
• What if I ran out?

That kind of thinking is exhausting.

And the frustrating part is that you know how ridiculous it is while still doing it anyway.

That is where drinking stops feeling like a simple choice... and starts feeling like something your brain has built an entire routine around.

Why Functioning Does Not Mean Fine

I was functioning.

That word can fool people.

Functioning does not mean healthy.
Functioning does not mean peaceful.
Functioning does not mean free.

You can still work, cook, clean, smile, pay bills, and get through the day while quietly feeling awful inside.

For me, the outside was functioning.
The inside was tired.

I honestly did not think I would reach age 40 if I kept going the way I was.

• I would not have met my husband (and we're approaching our 25th wedding anniversary on June 24).
• I would not have had the pleasure of rescuing a fabulous Miniature Pinscher and appreciating the unwavering love of a dog.
• I would not be here writing this today with the hopes of helping someone else.

That is a horrible realization to sit with.

But it was also part of the clarity.

The Shift That Finally Happened

The shift came when the exhaustion of drinking became worse than the fear of stopping.

Around that same time, I hit my own personal rock bottom after becoming severely physically sick from what I believe was alcohol poisoning.

That is the thought/memory/somatic marker I keep coming back to.

Because stopping can feel scary.

But eventually, continuing can start to feel even scarier.

That was the real turning point for me.

Not perfection.
Not a magical personality change.
Not suddenly becoming someone else.

Just a deep, tired, honest realization:

I could not keep living like that anymore.

Why I Made This Video

I wanted to make this video because people often think quitting drinking has to begin with some dramatic public moment.

For me, it was quieter than that.

It was the private exhaustion.
The planning.
The fear.
The shame.
The feeling of being sick as a dog and finally realizing I could not keep doing this anymore.

I quit drinking at age 37, three days before my 38th birthday. And now, after more than 25 years sober (approaching 30 years on January 17, 2027!),

I genuinely do not miss alcohol at all.

Back then, I would not have believed that was possible.

But it was.

→ Back to: Susan Unscripted Videos on Live Better Sober
→ Watch Next: Why I Kept Wanting To Go Back To Drinking

And if you're looking for a more structured approach, my 66 Days to Break the Nightly Drinking Habit course will walk you through the process step-by-step.

Questions People Quietly Ask Themselves

About Susan Gast

I’m Susan, creator of Live Better Sober, and in January 2027 I’ll celebrate 30 years alcohol-free.

I created this site to share a calmer, more practical approach for people who want to break the nightly drinking habit and build a better life without alcohol.

About Susan Gast

I’m Susan, creator of Live Better Sober, and in January 2027 I’ll celebrate 30 years alcohol-free.

I created this site to share a calmer, more practical approach for people who want to break the nightly drinking habit and build a better life without alcohol.

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