What to Say Back to “I Deserve a Drink”

Written by Susan — Quit drinking at 37 • Sober since 1998 • Sharing what actually works

Written by Susan — Quit drinking at 37 • Sober since 1998 • Sharing what actually works

What to say back to “I deserve a drink” can feel surprisingly difficult when the thought shows up after a long day. Such as:

"I deserve a drink."
In reality:
No. You deserve to rest and put your feet up, not get drunk and fall down.

"I deserve a drink."
In reality:
No, you deserve a great start to tomorrow morning without a hangover.

"I deserve a drink."
Becomes: 
No, that's the thought loop talking.

The problem is that the thought often sounds reasonable, comforting, and completely true in the moment. Many women assume that because the thought feels convincing, it must be telling them something important.

In reality, it is often a familiar habit-loop thought trying to protect a drinking pattern that has been providing relief, reward, or escape for a long time.

This Thought Is a Signal, Not a Verdict

Picture this: As the afternoon approaches, you recall how tired you were first thing, and you make a promise to not drink tonight. Then on your way home as you pull into the driveway, the idea that "I deserve a drink" arises. 

Why does that "I deserve a drink" moment appear?

To me, the I deserve a drink thought is likely a retaliatory response to another subconscious thought that surfaced first, namely, "I need to quit drinking." 

It's almost as if our mind was conducting an internal argument, and "I deserve a drink" won out.

Use the I deserve a drink thought as a signal that a thought loop is in action.

Having the thought doesn't mean you're weak. It's not a lack of character. It's because our thoughts can be habitual things, too. 

Why “I Deserve a Drink” Often Gets Louder When You're Getting Serious About Stopping

When you think about quitting, the I deserve a drink thought often gets louder. To me, that's because the old pattern is pushing back.

And this becomes the basis of your thought loop.

It doesn't care if you've had a good day, a bad day, or an in-between day. The thought loop quietly gives you the "go ahead."

I didn't drink just because I'd had a stellar day. I didn't drink just because the day was bad. And those ordinary days? Still a great excuse. I mention this because when we try to understand why we drink, we assume that it's because we feel good, or because we feel bad.

It doesn't matter what the reason was.

The excuse to drink survived every type of day.

Looking back, when that "I want a drink" thought popped up nightly, it was rote.

Having a drink was what I did. I didn't argue with it. It was ingrained. It was a familiar routine.

I didn't negotiate with myself. I wasn't weighing promises. I was running a script.

Why “I Deserve a Drink” Reasons Fall Flat

Towards the end of my 20-year drinking stint, I simply drank without reason. But in my early drinking days, I most definitely used more than a few reasons to drink!

How about:
"Heck, I'm tired. A few drinks will perk me right up!"

Or:
"I'm going to have a couple of drinks before this party tonight. I don't want to appear shy."

And:
"Yeah, I'll have a few drinks after work. That buzz makes me feel good!"

Date night:
"I must have a few drinks. I know it makes me feel prettier, less boring, and more easy to be around." (Operative word: easy).

Upon reflection:
Those reasons to drink were an attempt to change how I felt about myself and how I fit in. In my twenties, I was trying to gain confidence and be accepted for who I was.

I discovered I didn't find confidence in a glass of Chardonnay. Annoyingly, confidence seems to come with age.

What to Say Back Instead

When the thought "I deserve a drink" appears, try responding with one of these:

You do not need to believe every thought that appears in your mind. Sometimes the goal is simply to create enough space to choose differently.

What I Did When the Drinking Thought Hit

Before January 17, 1998 (go read that then come on back here), I had no real strong enough reason to resist the urge to drink. The behavior was pretty much on autopilot towards the end.

In my early days of sobriety — when that urge to drink hit — I'd acknowledge I had the thought, then ignore it.

When it crept back in, I'd bring to mind my strongest somatic marker moment. I created my moments by dredging up past bad events tied to drinking episodes that ended poorly.

They became very effective reminders of why I chose NOT to drink.

Please download my free workbook and write down your moments.

The ramifications of drinking and their outcomes were enough to quell the urge. Completely.

If you're reading this and are on the fence where quitting is concerned, try this:

When the urge hits — pause.

Give yourself sixty seconds.

• Breathe deeply.
• Clear your mind.
• Go do something different.
• Walk away from the fridge.
• Go take a shower.

Break the routine.

If the Thought Keeps Winning, It Does Not Mean You Are Failing

If that annoying thought returns and if it wins out occasionally, it does not mean you are a failure. It means that the new routine (of not drinking) hasn't fully taken root.

It needs time for the new message to take over the old "I want a drink" message. The longer you stick with something, the more it gains ground and lessens the power of the old way of thinking. 

My first attempt at quitting lasted a whole nine months but I fell off the wagon. You see, I thought I'd give "near beer" a try. Thing is, the taste reminded me so much of the "real thing" that I promptly went out and bought real beer.

Yes, I felt like I'd failed forever. But it took a few more years before I reached my personal rock bottom on January 17, 1998 (scroll back up and go read the story if you didn't).

Where to Go Next

Tonight, when the “I deserve a drink” thought appears, do not try to bargain with it. Simply say, “That's the thought loop talking,” then pause for sixty seconds before taking any action.

Give yourself a chance to change direction before reaching for alcohol. 

After realizing that my somatic marker moments are what worked for me, I decided to share my method with you. It's all inside my course which takes you on a journey of 66 days. Why 66 days? That's the new average for changing an old habit into a new one.

Watch: I Deserve a Drink — Oh, Really?

What if the thought isn't responding to your day at all?

In this short Susan Unscripted video, I explore why "I deserve a drink" showed up after good days, bad days, and ordinary days — and what changed when I finally started questioning it.

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